Start of a new rant..

So, being told that I really should start a journal on my issues, I finally broke down and ta-dah! 

My name is Duckie. I'm about to turn 30 in a few days and I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I was diagnosed at the age of 24. I lost complete control and feeling on the right side of my body. Was glad it wasn't a stroke or a brain tumor, because after all, I had just grown out my hair and they were in no way going to be shaving my head. I remember wanting to crawl out of my skin while I wait in an ER bed after the doctor said that it could be a tumor. I think that was the scariest part... though, not the most painful. No amount of thin hospital blankets could keep me from shivering at the thought of chemo or any other possibility. 

The most painful was the spinal tap. Sadly, was no where near as cool as the band. They numbed the outside skin.. but not deeper when they were entering a rather thick needle into my spine between my vertebrae. Oh, and then they tilted the whole damn table up and I had to cling on as they kept yelling at me not to move. Wtf, really? 

Anyways, I have regained most control and feeling on my right side. Have slight numbness on the edges of my hand, foot, and leg. Still fall over randomly because of lack of balance, and forget words often. My sentences might have random words or be slightly out of order, it's part of my brain not exactly working correctly. I've noticed this more since I've returned to university. 

I am now in the process of earning my certification in secondary education for social studies on the graduate level. My typing hasn't been the best, but trying hard to keep mistakes to a minimum. Paying attention in class becomes challenging still. I sometimes just have to get up and leave the classroom to regroup my thoughts because it sometimes gets too much for me.

Though, I am thankful for the diagnosis. At the end of my bachelors degree, I swore I was going insane or all of a sudden had A.D.D. or just something was terribly wrong.  I was constantly tired, people would be speaking to me but I couldn't understand them, I would forget things/words, fall (insert Beth laugh), and just know there is something wrong but have no words to describe it.  

I'm still finding new quirks, but still battling the most pronounced symptom/side affect of my illness; depression. I take medications-antidepressants. They seem to help; I'm better than I am without them. I still can be a bit edgy and cranky. I like to hide away still. My boyfriend is a great support, but I hate troubling him with my issues when I know he has his own and is working so hard. Very proud of him btw, as if you can't tell from just talking to me on a normal day. He has a lot of experience with depression himself. So, I know he's been there and would understand. 

I'm getting off subject... I just find the depression the most challenging. 

Okay, so my plans for this blog is basically going to be about my brokenness and random adventures I find myself in. It might be interesting to some, more than likely not. 

I'm the Broken Duckie, read my rant.